I haven't posted in five days, I probably won't be able to compile a proper post until late next week, and I feel guiltier than I should. I've always tried to treat this blog as a hobby, but the fact is that it's hard for me to have casual hobbies. I'm an incorrigible perfectionist and I put tremendous pressure on myself, and this can leech the fun out of anything, even writing about makeup. When I go more than three days without posting, I beat myself up for being less prolific than other bloggers, less prolific than I myself was earlier this year. If I write a short post, I criticize myself for being too shallow, too lazy, not thoughtful or eloquent enough. And this month it's been especially hard for me to post regularly, due to a combination of academic deadlines and a general downturn in my mood. When I try drafting a post, I feel guilty for neglecting my scholarly work. When I try to concentrate on my scholarly work, I feel guilty for not achieving a proper work-life balance. When I read a funny, informative post on someone else's blog, I interpret it as a reprimand from the universe for my own failure to produce content.
I'm really type-A, guys. I'm sorry. This is why all my friends think I belong in Slytherin.
Anyway, I just wanted to drop a brief note to say that I'm going on hiatus for another week or so. If I'm inspired to post in that week, I will. If I want to take more time off, I will. I feel silly notifying the world of such a short break, as if I imagine that the Internet will collectively lose its shit in my absence. I don't, I promise. But I think that going on an "official" hiatus will take some of the pressure off and make me better able to focus on academics. This blog has turned into a deadline generator instead of a source of relaxation and fun, and I want to be able to read and comment on other people's blogs without chastising myself for posting too infrequently. Perfectionism can be a blessing, but it more often produces anxiety and mental paralysis. Having put all this into words, I hope I can push through the paralysis and start getting things done.
See you soon.
Yr. most obedient humble servant,